the bridal nazis

So this is my very first post on my new blog so im pretty stoked. I'm pretty sure no one will ever read slash care about what i write, but at least i can vent about my life's going ons and not be stoned in the street. Anyway, back to the zombie nazis at a local bridal salon. First off, i am not, nor do i want to be princess di. I dont want a 6 foot sheet dragging along behind me. I mean, hello!! It's called a 'train' need i say more? i cant even walk across the room without tripping when i have pants on, much less a parachute. i do not want tinsel sewn into any garment i own, and for god's sake if you put tiara on me, do not expect to get it back in one piece. When i went to this said bridal salon, i said "no satin, no trains, and no tiaras please" I was then tied, strangled, and beaten into submission by a 4 foot lady named candelaria {not kidding} she grabbed me in places that have never been grabbed. seriously. 15 minutes later, after i was finally in the dress, trying to ignore the footprint-shaped bruises on my back, i stepped out of the dressing room to see a friggin snow beast in what else than a satin princess number with a train too big for the room. "ok mami" she said after she'd had her way with me, "leh me go geet a tiar' for you beautiful hairs."  HUH? needless to say, i left with no dignity intact and a slight twitch.